Of Morning Walks and Monologues…

I walk to work everyday (the most misleading thing I have said all day!). And when I say ‘walk to work’, I don’t mean a brisk 1-mile trudge that keeps me healthy and fit, and looking 10 years younger. Nope. The daily morning walk to work takes me a measly 8 minutes!! Totally not beneficial.

So, anyway, I walk ‘briskly’ every morning, and I’m usually having a happy, interesting conversation with someone….usually myself 😦

And this is how it goes…

“Okay, hon, stepping out right now…you’re already late…you have 8 minutes to clear an 8 minute distance….Are you going to do this? Hmm…we’ll see…walking. walking. walking. step. step. step. looking good baby! Walk, walk, walk….

OOOUUUCChhhhh! What was that?…Something went ‘click’ in my knee! Okay, ignore it, keep going…Limp, limp, limp….ok, better now…walk, walk, walk…

Oh cripes. There’s the Cake shop across the street! Mmmm…nice smells…yummy smells…

(looking at watch) Do I have time to step in for a quick purchase? Okay, Do I NEED the extra calories?? No, and No…for God’s Sake Jane, NO!! Geez!

Okay, walk, walk, walk, walk…TRIP! Shucks! Who put the stones in the way?!?!

Okay, nothing happened…no one saw you hon..keep walking, keep walking…you have time…(looking at watch) OH CRAP! I have only 3.5 minutes…where did all the time go, darn it?!?!?!

Okay, keep walking…no ditch that…I think it’s time you started running! Oaky, run, run, run…”Run, Forrest, Ruuunnn!” Okay, grow up…Do you really need the “Forrest Gump reference now?!?!

Ooh, nice new shirts on display at the Men’s Clothing store on the way!…Hmph! Ignore it! Stupid stuck up clothing store…probably too expensive! Sour grapes…blah, blah…

Oh good, finally at the office building…(looking at watch [for the umpteenth time, even though it does NOT help!!]) Oh cripes…1 more minute…

Okay hon, now you have to climb 4, Four, FOUR floors…Sheesh people, lifts were invented for a reason, you know..Anyways, it’s the only exercise you get all day!! so, CLIMB already!!

Climb, climb, climb, no..scratch that…RUN, run, run…

What the…people walking up the steps are getting there faster than me! Shucks.

Run, run, run…GASP, GASP, GASP!! Run, run, drag your feet, stomp, stomp…..crawl, crawl, craaaaawwlllll……Wheeeezz, wheeezz, wheeezzz….cough, cough!

(Drumroll and trumpets blaring) I MADE IT, I MADE IT…YAAAAY!!!! And heck, I have 5 minutes left on the clock!!!!!

“WHAT?!?!?!?!?”, you ask?

Well, this is precisely why I set every, and I mean EVERY clock 10 minutes ahead, so that I think I start out 10 minutes early, and half way through I think I’ll be on time, and then I assume that I am already 5 minutes late…and PANIC…and when I reach, It’s a nice surprise to know I am 5 minutes early!!!

Now ain’t that wonderful…fine and dandy!!………………………………….

……………..Aw, shucks….sometimes I don’t even recognize myself….!

Somebody bring back the 20 year old Jane back, please!

What I wanna be…

What I really am…

HELLPPP!!!!!

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2 Responses to “Of Morning Walks and Monologues…”

  1. Sweety

    LOL!Hilarious! Same story here 🙂

  2. Jane Pauline Hamilton

    Hehe! Sweety, I can hear the song “You are Not Alone” playing in the background….thanks…I’m better now, thinking I am not the only one!!… 😛

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